Editor's
Note: Thank you to my family and all of my Facebook friends
for your kind words and your support this week. It means more than you
will ever know. This is the conclusion to Kenny's story.
The Viewing...
The
viewing was held on Friday, February 11th, 2000 from 6:00 PM to
8:00PM. We
were expecting family, friends and co-workers of our blended families. What we received that night was an
outpouring of love for Kenny as well as for our families. The funeral home did not rush us or anyone away
as the eight o'clock deadline rolled around and the line was now out the
door for those who came to say goodbye. Fr. David led us in Rosary for Kenny as well.
What
we never expected were all the teenagers that knew Kenny from
Greensboro and the surrounding area as well as Rock Hill who would also
come
to pay their respects. They
were grieving Kenny's loss too. They formed a
line and quietly waited their turn to say good-bye. With our permission
they left cards, letters and stuffed animals in his casket. I myself
put the quilt that I made for him while I was pregnant in the casket along with his very first
teddy bear that his Dad bought him. We asked the
funeral home to please leave everything that was put into casket as it
was. Our feelings were that these were private messages for Kenny and
that it would stay that way.
The
funeral home created three different prayer cards/bookmarks. Each had a
copy of Kenny's obituary on the back and on the front were The Lord's
Prayer/Our Father, the Twenty-Third Psalm and the Serenity Prayer, respectively. When we ran out of these prayer cards/bookmarks and the funeral home graciously made more.
On
the back of each prayer card/bookmark is Kenny's obituary. It was
published on February 11th, 2000 in the Greensboro News and Record. It
was published in Rock Hill, South Carolina where Marc, Ann,and David were
living at the time.
The Funeral Cards...
The
Funeral cards above were made by the funeral home. Each of the cards
has "In Memory of Kenneth Kitts October 10, 1908-February 9th, 2000. Of
these, four of them have the same prayer, known as the "Gentlest Heart
of Jesus" prayer. One the cards has the prayer of "St. Francis of
Assisi" and one has the "Safely Home" poem.
The Mass Cards...
My
family and I received so many Mass cards in memory of Kenny that I
cannot possibly share all of them. Each of them are beautiful. Most of
the Mass cards were for our home church, Our Lady of Grace Catholic
Church and were set for very specific days and Masses. We also received
several Mass cards that are for perpetual Masses meaning that he will be
remembered in daily Masses, First Fridays and Saturdays and the Feast
Days of our Lord and our Lady as well as in prayers and rosaries. We
also received Mass cards that were for a specific amount of time such as
5, 10 and 15 years of daily Masses, prayers and rosaries.
The
Mass card above is on beautiful maroon heavyweight linen paper with
gold lettering on the front. When you open the card the first thing you
see is the poem, Safely Home. When you turn the page you see this is
what you see. It is from the Sacred Heart Monastery in Hales Corners,
Wisconsin. We received this Mass card from Deacon Tim and his wife
Eileen. I've known Deacon Tim and his family for many years and went to
school with several his children.
The
Mass card above is a small white, hard bound card. The front is done in
gold writing. As you can see Kenny was enrolled for 15 years of Masses.
It is from the Association of Marian Helpers, A Spiritual Benefit
Society of The Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception
located in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. We received this Mass card from
Doris Blase, a friend of my Mom's.
The
Mass card to the left is a small blue bound card. It is a Perpetual
Enrollment card. This is also from the Association of the Marian Helpers
in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. As you can see in the picture to the
left, is a beautiful the photo of Jesus. It is beautifully tucked into
pale blue ribbons to hold it in place.
In
the picture below is on the right inside cover. The certificate is
adorned with a blue ribbon with the Fleur de lis symbol and a picture of
Jesus and Mary. The certificate is also held in place with light blue
ribbon.
We
received this Mass card from Fr. David. We have known Fr. David for
many years and I will never be able to thank him enough for being with
our family during this tragedy that had to face and overcome.
Copyright © Dawning Genealogy/Dawn M Kogutkiewicz 2014-2015, All rights reserved.
The Funeral...
Kenny's Mass of the Resurrection was held at Our Lady of Grace Catholic Church on February 12th, 2000. It is a
fairly large church and it was nearly full with family and friends to
say their last good-byes to a life that was ended too soon.
The
ushers handed out the programs to everyone as they entered the church.
The picture to the left is the front page of the funeral program.
I couldn't
believe all the people that were there especially after seeing so many the night before. There were so many faces I did
not know.
One young man was wearing his Coast Guard blues. I stopped to ask him
why he chose to wear his dress blues. He told me that Kenny was a very
good friend and he was honoring him by wearing his blues. Nearly everyone who attend the Mass also followed us to he
cemetery. As Fr. David said the burial rites for Kenny it began to
snow.
A Father's Eulogy
"Kenny
Kitts is my first born son. He is special in my heart, I am proud of
who he is in his short life. I love him very much. Last
night I saw many of Kenny's friends - new faces and old faces. There
was a lot of sorrow. Kenny would laugh and smile and tell us not to be
afraid... When I learned of Kenny's death, I was afraid. I was afraid of
what lay ahead. I was afraid I would not see him, talk with him, or
hold him. Last night I spoke with Father David and I listened to his
words. I am no longer afraid. I will see Kenny again. Father
David talked of winter. When I think of winter I remember traveling in a
U-haul truck with Kenny as a newborn baby and his mother. We did not
have a
penny in our pocket. Kenny lay asleep in a basket on the floor of the
truck. When we pulled up in front of Bill & Nina's house we knew we
were home. He used to
make fun of me - moving slowly in the mornings. As I get old and my
body fails, Kenny will be forever young - I envy him. I ask parents here
today - Tell your children you love them - Tell them everyday. Those
of you who knew Kenny, I ask you to come to me and Kenny's mother and
tell us a story about Kenny. We want to know. If you don't tell us, we
will never know. In
closing, when I spoke with Kenny last, he expressed how proud he was of
his brother David. Kenny was looking forward to David going to college
at Myrtle Beach this fall. Kenny was looking forward to cruising the
beach with his brother. Thank you all for coming and being a part of
Kenny's life."
David's Last Gift...
David
said he wanted to
sing at his brother's funeral. I asked him why, and his reply was
"because it is the last thing that I can do for him.". Those few
words made me love our son even more than I already did and made me very
proud of the courage he found to do this for his brother.
I was worried
that he would not be able to finish the song in it's entirety so we had
Kathy Martinek singing with him just in case. Kathy has been a
family friend for more than 30 years and she along with a few other
close family friends provided the music for Kenny's funeral.
The song
that David chose to sing was "Here I Am, Lord" which was composed by Daniel L.
Schutte and the words from Isaiah 6:8, " Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" "Here I am," I said; "send me!" and 1 Samuel 3 (the whole chapter).
I
am very fortunate that our church was in the habit of recording their
Masses (at that time) because someone thought to turn on the recording
device. I now
have my son's entire Funeral Mass on a cassette tape, including the
music, the Homily, the eugoly's and David's gift of song. I would very
much like to find someone who can convert the cassette tape to a digital
format for me.
Cause of Death...
Weeks
went by before I would learn the cause of Kenny's death. Finally one
day I got a phone call from the detective who was responsible for the
investigation into Kenny's death. He had the toxicology report and it
wasn't good. The
cause of death was accidental methadone poisoning. There was enough
methadone in his system to kill at least ten people according to the report. I
don't believe that he did this voluntarily to himself but we will never
know what happened the night before or the morning of his death.
How
is it even possible that he was poisoned? Methadone is a synthetic opioid.
It is used to treat heroin addicts and for severe pain management. Here
in the United States it is a very restricted drug and is only available
through a methadone treatment facility or a pain management specialist.
Kenny wasn't perfect and he had made some bad choices. He learned from his choices and he was finally
getting his life back on track. He had a plan and that plan was forever
crushed on that February day in 2000. He had been clean and sober for two years.
Visit's to the Cemetery...
That
first year I went to the cemetery several times a week. Mostly during
my lunch hour. I would go there to eat my lunch and talk to Kenny. I had
so many unanswered questions about his death and so many things that we
never got to say but most importantly it was my way of saying goodbye.
When his 20th birthday came in October that year we released balloon's
to celebrate and had a family dinner at Olive Garden, Kenny's favorite
restaurant. I also found a six pack of beer that year around his
birthday which told me his friends visited too.
Over
the years my visits have become fewer but I visit as often as I can and
I don't miss a holiday or his birthday. I still find an occasional six
pack around his birthday and someone keeps putting flowers there besides
me. This only serves to remind me that while Kenny has been gone for 15
years now, he is not forgotten.
A Mother's Love...
A
mother's love doesn't begin at birth nor does it end in death, it
continues on no matter how long your child has been gone. The loss of a child is profound. Your world is
irrevocably
changed beyond anything you can imagine. You have to gather up the pieces
of your life and hope that you can put them back the way they were. It
is only then that you realize that the death of your child has left a
hole in your heart and soul that can never be filled again even though
you try. No parent should ever have to bury their child.
Kenny
was full of life, he had a great personality, he was charming, he had a
gorgeous smile that was framed in dimples, he had a heart the size of
the Grand Canyon but most of all he loved his family and friends with
everything he had. He will never find the love of his life, never have a
family of his own and the world just isn't the same without him in it. I
remember a quote by A.A. Milne as said by Winnie the Pooh, "as soon as I
saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen.". This is one of my
favorite quotes and it reminds me that while Kenny is no longer here
with us, he is indeed on a great adventure in heaven.
15 Years later...
Kenny
was 19 years, 3 months and 30 days old on the day he died. He was full
of life and there was so much he wanted to do in his life. However, all
of that was abruptly taken away on that fateful day in February of 2000.
There is not a single day that I don't think of Kenny. I miss that
smile, I miss his beautiful dark chocolate brown eyes and the sound of
his laugh. I miss his personality, his sense of humor and the big
goofball he could be at times. I miss hearing "I love you Momma" and his
hand going into the sign for I love you in American Sign Language. Kenny was in kindergarten when he learned the
American Sign Language sign for I love you and from that day until the
last day I saw him, he would say I love you, Momma and give me that sign.
Kenny,
David and I loved going to the movies. It didn't matter whether we were
watching videos at home or on television or in a movie theater it
didn't matter. They would purposely scare me in a horror movie or tease
me unmercifully for crying when Mr. Spock died in Star Trek II: The
Wrath of Khan or for crying at Christmas commercials.
There
are days when I feel his presence around me and I feel fortunate on
those days because it is like he is checking up on me. There are times
when Tommy or I will look at the clock and it will read 10:10 (am or pm
doesn't matter - his birthday is 10/10) and we look at each other and
say, "what now Kenny?"
I
know that Kenny is okay with this series of posts about his death and
the aftermath our family had to endure and overcome. I think he would
say to me, "It's about time, Momma!".
This
is the end of this series about the death of our son, Kenneth George
"Kenny" Kitts. Thank you everyone for the kindness you have shown by
reading this series. Your wonderful thoughts and words mean so much to
me. Thank you for allowing me to tell and share Kenny's story.
This
is the last family picture that Tommy, David, Kenny and I would have
taken before he died. It was taken on September 18th 1999 at my sister
Susie's wedding.
